The Way of Things

-Stealing someone's coffee is called mugging.

-Pasteurize: Too far to see.

-Whoever invented "Knock-Knock" jokes should get a no-bell prize.

-The other day I held the door open for a clown. It was a nice jester.

-No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

-Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.

-I put my grandma on speed dial. I call that instagram.