I was asked by a relative if they could go with me on a RV trip. That person is 80+ years old and never had been in a RV so I agreed to a week long trip thinking that it would be a positive experience. It was for both of us, but in the process I gathered a bunch of comedy material for Bill Engvall (the Where’s Your Sign guy). The following are some questions I got and the answers I should have given but didn't...because I respect my elders even if it’s a chore.
1- DOES THIS CAMPGROUND HAVE ELECTRICITY? NO, I JUST COOKED A 5 COURSE MEAL USING MY CIGARETTE LIGHTER.
2- AFTER PULLING INTO AN INTERSTATE REST STOP - “ARE WE GETTING OUT?” YES, ONE ON MY GOALS IS TO TAKE A PEE IN EVERY REST STOP IN AMERICA.
3- WHAT STATE IS THIS? THE SAME ONE YOU WERE IN 10 MINUTES AGO.
4- DID THAT SIGN SAY WE’RE NOW IN ALABAMA? NO, THEY MISPELLED ALASKA.
5- IT’S GETTING LATE, DO WE NEED TO STOP A GET A MOTEL?
YOU CAN, BUT I’M SLEEPING IN THIS ONE WITH WHEELS.
6- WHY ARE WE STOPPING HERE (FLYING J TRUCK STOP)? TO GET SOME FUEL AND MARK ANOTHER PEE PLACE.
7- DO YOU WANT ME TO BUY YOU ANYTHING IN THE STORE? WELL, LETS’ SEE. IT’S A TRUCK STOP. I COULD USE TWO HUB CABS AND A BUNJI CORD.
8- DO YOU SUBSCRIBE TO THIS MAGAZINE? NO, THAT’S ANOTHER PERSON WITH MY NAME ON THE ADDRESS LABEL.
9- I DON’T LIKE CAMPING IN A PLACE WHERE WE ARE ALONE, WE COULD BE ROBBED. DOES,”ALONE” MEAN ANYTHING??
10- THIS CAMP GROUND DOESN’T HAVE ANY STREET LIGHTS.IT’S IN A NATIONAL FOREST, IMAGINE THAT.
11- TO MY QUESTION, DO YOU WANT TO EAT OUTSIDE TONITE….”WON’T THERE BE MOSQUITOS?” NOPE, THEY HAVE ALL FLOWN SOUTH FOR THE WINTER.
12- DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU LEFT YOUR GLASS IS ON THE PICNIC TABLE? YES. I'M LEAVING IT OUT THERE FOR THE MOSQUITOS WHO DECIDED NOT TO FLY SOUTH.
13- YOU SHOULDN’T PICK A CAMP SITE CLOSE TO THE LAKE, IT WILL BE DAMP. MAYBE SO, BUT DIDN’T YOU NOTICE THAT IT’S RAINING??
14- AFTER SWITCHING DRIVING DUTIES WITH MY WIFE: “DOES SHE KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THE MOTOR HOME?” NOT REALLY, BUT I LIKE A LITTLE EXCITEMENT ON EVERY TRIP.
15- IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S COLD OUTSIDE. DID YOU NOTICE THAT THE TEMPERTURE GAGE SAYS 60?
16- WHERE ARE WE GOING NOW? TO HELL IN A HAND BAG OR HOME, WHICH EVER COMES FIRST.
17- ARE THERE ANY ALLIGATORS IN THIS LAKE? I DON’T THINK THAT THE CORP OF ENGINEERS ALLOWS THAT HERE.
18- WHAT’S THAT FLASHING GREEN LIGHT ON THE DASH? IT’S AN ALLIGATOR ALERT.
19- WHAT’S THAT BEEPING SOUND? WELL, IT COULD BE THE EGG TIMER, THE MICROWAVE, THE ALARM CLOCK, THE DRYER, OR A BOMB THAT’S ABOUT TO EXPLODE. TAKE YOUR PICK.
20- WHAT TIME IS IT? 5 MINUTES PAST THE LAST TIME YOU ASK.
This isn't made up, it happended.
